The beginning of day 3 of me not touching my first draft… Here’s how it’s going.
I went to the dryer to pull out a pair of yoga pants and pilfered through it for a moment (they ARE real pants…end of story). I spotted a pair with some teal trimming that I actually really hate and only wear when all of the others are dirty. As luck would have it though, I also spotted another pair with purple trimming (they’re my favorite) and I slip them on, happy to have completed my impeccable ensemble of a baggy Old Navy t-shirt and flip-flops to go with my yoga pants. What can I say? I dress to impress.
Even though I didn’t have to, I hoped in the car with my husband to take our little to school. Did I have to go? Nope. Did I want to? Yes. Because I’m not working on my draft right now, so what else am I going to do first thing in the morning? Therefore, I get in the car and go with. Everything went smoothly as we were dropping him off. He didn’t cry or cling to either one of our legs, so I mentally fist-bump myself and head out with the hubsters. One of the workers politely waves us goodbye as she’s heading in and wishes us a good day. As I’m looking over at her returning a polite smile of my own I misjudge the step in front of me and realize when I look down that there’s no saving me from myself this time… I fall dramatically, and with the all the finesse of a goose, manage to land on my knees and hands on the asphalt… *Insert gasps from standers-by here* “Are you OK?!” exclaimed the worker while I hear my husband gasp, “Honey! Are you alright?” The only thing running through my mind right now is how much my left knee hurts, how awful it is that ANYONE had to see that, and that I remember they just installed cameras around the building so people inside saw it, too… I stood up as fast as I could while saying, “Yeah, I’m fine… just mortified…”and then proceeded to limp off to the car.
I needed something other than myself to blame so… *Glares at my flip flops for betraying me so publicly*
I laughed more on the way home than anything. Mostly at the fact that it’s just fabulous timing that they installed these cameras that show to everyone in the front room IN COLOR what’s going on. Yep. They all saw. I joked to my husband that they’re all probably posting it to Fail Army right now and racking up millions of views. I’m probably going to be known as “The mom who fell off the curb in the parking lot Monday morning.”
At home, I managed to clean up the wounds and had to put four Band-Aides on my left knee because I’m one step away from being seen on House. Limping along, I went back to the dryer realizing I needed to change my pants. I pulled out those same pair with the teal trimming and began to argue with them, “Well, looks like you’re getting your wish you piece of crap. I couldn’t hash it with the my favorite pair today so you get to go for a little ride now. At least, one of us is getting what they want.” My dear, sweet husband, who was still digging through the laundry in the dryer as I’m monologuing to the crap pair, managed to produce another pair of yoga pants that had been buried in the bottom. MY. HUSBAND. IS. A. SAINT.
On the way to taking my husband to school I looked down in the console and saw my cheap pair of Claire’s glasses I bought for $10 a couple of months ago and put them on. They give me this Clark Kent kind of look and I like to believe they make people think I actually have prescription glasses when, in fact, I bought them at the place I had my ears pierced when I was 13 (winning all the way). We took a different route to school and came up on a four-way stop.
SIDE NOTE: FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS GOOD AND HOLY PLEEEEEAAAAAASSSSSE LEARN HOW TO USE A FOUR-WAY PEOPLE.
I’m waiting for the lady to my right to go because I saw that I’d made it there just after she did. I waited. She waited. I starred. She starred back through her dark sunglasses. I glared at her. She glared back (who knows what’s going on behind those things). Finally, she went after our awkward starring contest. I realized after she went that I’d forgotten I was wearing my cheap pair of glasses from Claire’s and NOT my black sunglasses that mask me when I’m glaring at people in traffic… I began cracking up (because seriously what ELSE is going to happen today?) and Jared asks me what’s going on, “Did you see what just happened?” Oblivious to the exchange between this woman and I he says, “No, what?” I then explain it to him and he just bursts into a fit of laughter of his own. We both laughed all the way down the road, especially since the woman was driving right in front of us the whole time.
Before he leaves me to drive myself back home he leans into the driver’s side window, kisses me goodbye, and says, “If today just…happens, there’s always Panda for tonight.” You know you’ve married a winner when he already knows that making dinner might be beyond you and automatically suggests Panda Express for dinner. Bless that man.
So as you can all see and delineate from my morning I’M NO GOOD WITHOUT MY BOOK.